mediocre

Bad days, what do you do about them? There are two choices really– to stick with the bad day, hold on to it tight and let it carry you all the way through. Or, we can ditch the bad day, take a deep breath and start over. 

But sometimes it doesn't really work like that. I think there are some days that start out overcast and stay a little overcast and cool. I had a day like that today. It started out a little frustrating, and honestly I wasn't feeling to hot. Little things happened that were pretty good, nothing spectacular and not really anything like the incredible sunny day I had yesterday. 

Thats okay though right? Maybe sometimes I don't really feel like having the greatest day in the world. Anything wrong with that? 

....

I'm working on memorizing a poem lately. It's a rather long piece of slam poetry, about dreams, by a woman who's passionate about life. I love the way she puts emphasis on words, I'm working on it. 

adventures with eli

It has been about three weeks since I watched the Youd boys, due to random circumstances. I have to say I have missed them a lot. This week Eli took a random nap (aka nocked out and I couldn't wake him up) and then did not sleep all afternoon. We read some books in the morning, I forgot to smile in this one, but his face is to awesome to not include this picture. I didn't even tell him I was taking it. 

He's a great little buddy. We had a tun of fun this week, especially in the afternoon. I was a beautiful day and so Eli, Ryan and I took a couple balls and a bat outside. We played baseball and soccer on the front lawn–oh, and chalk too–until Geoff came home around 5.30. 

I don't know who drew this little guy, but I like 'im. Lots of character. 

coffee shops are distracting when you're doing homework

There’s a little blonde girl in a pink polka dot dress and cream sweater outside, perfectly content to walk around and around and around and around a tree with her little white sparkle sandals on, hair in a pony tail. The asian boy with black boots and a beanie playing peek-a-boo with her and making her giggle.

 "Oh you don’t want it?" Speaking of the whipped cream at the top of her drink. “No I do want it!” says the wise woman with white wavy hair and hands that look like they’ve lived.  

A man with salt and pepper hair holds his little girl in pink and blue stripes, only 9 months old. She cuddles up against him, watches people around her and fits perfectly curled up in his lap or when she puts her little face, dark brown hair that matches her eyes, into his neck. Talking and wondering to herself like no one else can understand, she is held and cared for as he talks with a friend.

*For the record, I did finish my homework. 

is it possible?

Could I actually be sick of quesadillas for lunch? 

frustration

There wasn't really much I could do when my computer got stolen off of my desk Sophomore year, while my roommate was sleeping in our room. All my papers, save for a few I saved on the school's computers or emailed to myself–lost. 

I can't really help having to buy a computer off of a friend for 100 bucks to take to England with me that didn't have Microsoft Word on it. 

Bummer that computer died while I was in England and I had to use an ancient desktop in a cupboard/attic space to write my papers. 

I'm sorry I fell down the stairs and broke my cheep computer so now all I have are the papers from that on a flash drive, in a random .wps format that no other computer reads. 

I had no idea all of my computer troubles would come to such an awful end. I'm currently trying to put together my Senior Portfolio, after all, I am an English Major. Not business, not music, english. It's hard to put together a portfolio that reflects four years of hard work when I now can't get to, or open, or find, the work that I've done here. 

Hence, my title. 

continuing this

My living room is full of students who went with us to San Francisco, hanging out, laughing and eating junk food. I love this. I say it over and over again, but I want my whole life to consist of living rooms full of people. 

san francisco in digital

View from the balcony at 2960 21st Street, our home for a week.

The girls on my team! Silvia, Jen and Amy. Beautiful.

Krochet Kids donated hats to give out to people who live in SF. Team picture with Pastor Evan and some of the men who live with him. 

We climbed to the top of Potrero Hill to get a view and orientation of the city. 

This is a view of the Mission District and downtown. Twin Peaks was to our left. 

Mark Scandrette gives us a history of the city and sends us on our way with a map to guide us. Our task? Get to know the city, be inspired, and then write a piece of poetry about it. 

One of my favorite muralists in the city, this one is on Balmy Street I believe. There is more on 18th and Mission. He reminds me of Seuss.

Dolores Park, on a Sunday. I walked up and thought, is there a concert or something? No, they are all just enjoying the sun. 

Group meeting at The Well. The apartment we were so blessed to rent for the week from an organization called Innerchange. 

Group dinner at Naan and Curry. The most wonderful Indian food I've ever eaten. 

More pictures to follow.

tea and poetry

I went to tea last night. It. was. beautiful. 

Firstly, I love the way my friend Lindsey and her housemates live. Each night a different person takes the responsibility of cooking dinner and washing up afterward, for the whole house. Each week they make a grocery list and one person goes to the store and buys food for everyone. They share everything. Their living room also has four bookshelves in it. 

We went over around 9 and people trickled in and out until 1.00. Tea, Scrabble, discussion about authors, future and poetry. I noticed that these people that I hang out with are among the nerdiest people I know, all will gladly admit it and I must admit that I fit right in. 

"Corporate was forever regretful that they installed low flow toilets, because they cannot be snaked".

Around 11:00 we started reading poetry. Kohleun is presenting hers at a conference tomorrow, so we let her practice on us. Then we each went around and read a few pieces we've written and gave feedback. There's nothing like sitting in the silence of resonation after a friend has read out a bit of their heart. 

Olivia and Jaden

"Okay bye!" Maria said, and walked out the door. She had just finished showing me the two sets of pajamas, two pink beds, two towels for baths, two lists recording eating and pooping, a ready stock of bottles in the fridge, and she gave me a couple tips. 

I watched 5 month old twin girls tonight. I fed them and put them down for a nap–hardest part is when one is almost asleep and the other starts crying. I fed them cereal, played with them–they can roll over, so fun!–gave them baths and then put them to sleep around 7:30. One of them I held, crying, until 8:30 at least. 

They really are beautiful girls and it is amazing to me how they are each created so differently. They both like to be held facing out and to roll around on the floor but their temperaments, cries, things they giggle at and the way they fall asleep are so different. I think it speaks to how beautiful we all are as individuals. 

This is the only picture I took, because the rest of the time I was too busy! 

ode to my shoes

Dear shoes of mine,

you've traveled far

through space and time

so cute you are,

or should I say

you were cute

one long ago day

now, for the garbage shoot. 

I'm sorry to do it

but I have to you see

I'm so through with it-

the smell on my feet.

To England and back

you traveled with me

but now you lack

any use for my feet.

Holes and tears 

no protection from rain

so much time and wear

you cannot remain. 

To my flats, good bye

I'll never see you again

and for now I'll try,

to replace these feet friends. 

Thanks to Catherine Riley and Jessica Duke. Without them these shoes would have never come onto my feet. 

san francisco

   .   .   .

reverberating of walls

the noise rises up, 

out

thundering into space

this city calls, 

shouts. 

early dawn hits

its face

and I sit

and wait–

contemplating this place. 

   .   .   . 

This week in the city was incredible. A team of 22 students blew me away with how they stepped up, the conversations they had and the way they served. I have learned so much from them. The city captured my heart again, and how could it not? I walked down 24th street between Potrero and Mission every day. I sat in the Haight with street kids who have the most amazing philosophies about life and carry their names with pride- Creelle, Scottage Cheese, and Mushroom.

"Thank you sir, for having a job and supporting our crappy economy. Because, apparently money is what makes people, people" –Eric 

Art surrounded me constantly. I was encouraged to meet and see friends again. I woke up each morning to the sun rising over the city, slowly warming the darkness away. 

blustery night

I feel like I don't have the time to write anything interesting. I have all these thoughts whirling and spinning around in my head like the wind is outside my window. I could write post after post about everything that I do and think about from the moment I wake up, (like the fact that I had an incredible breakfast this morning, toast, a fried egg and strawberries) all the classes and things I do during the day (like how the literary journal I'm working on will be DONE Friday, how my lit class got cancelled, my heart to heart with our team leader) until now when I'm about to crawl in bed (after I study for another hour, its all I've done today-study). 

Not enough time. I hope these thoughts don't blow away like the wind is trying to blow away my house. 

might as well be fifth week

This week: 

a) Two mid-term tests.

b) Everything for the Journal needs to be completed and sent to print. 

c) All writing for the Yearbook needs to be edited and finished. 

d) Final preparations for San Francisco need to be completed. 

Stress? nah. 

first woman president

I'm writing an article for the 09-10 yearbook about Dr. Carol Taylor, the first woman at Vanguard to hold the position of president. From the beginning I have been impressed with her leadership skills and commitment to her job. I emailed her asking a few questions for quotes to put in my article, and not only did she answer them promptly, but wants to schedule a coffee date. 

 I'll post some of her response to me. 

 1) Which changes or improvements are you most proud of/excited about since you have stepped into the role of President?

I prefer to talk about changes and improvements for which I am grateful.  Another college president recently shared with me her weekly spiritual discipline of gratitude. Every Sunday afternoon she makes two lists - one of things that happened during the week for which she is grateful, the other a list of challenges.  Each week she discovers that the list of things for which she is grateful far outnumbers her list of challenges or disappointments.  It is a spiritual discipline that I have added to my week as part of cultivating a heart of gratitude.

She went on to give me a full page list. One of which was, 

Our students, whose stories and passion to know and love God and desire to abandon their lives to Christ’s service inspire me. 

Dr. Taylor's Message in Chapel, Spring 09

dream center

I found myself standing in the doorway of unit 906, with about 8 little pairs of brown eyes looking up at me. In that moment I was reminded again about how I want to live and who I want to be. 

Saturday morning we went to the Los Angeles Dream Center and volunteered as part of our training for SFO. We helped out with their Adopt-A-Block program and it was really great to see the students step up and get excited about what we were doing. The program looks like this- about 200 (maybe more) people go out to predetermined sites in the LA County area, sites where they have "adopted a block" in a low income area. They start out by passing on food and then knock on doors to try and have conversations with the people who live there. 

Something really hit me about being there. While being at the door we ask the family if there is anything that they need specifically. Moms ask for diapers, things like shampoo or kitchen supplies that they really need but just can't get. The volunteers put in these requests and then through the resources and donations that the dream center has the request is filled. 

What an incredible gift, to ask if someone has a need and then turn around and tangibly fulfill that need. It reminded me, shook me again and woke me up to the reality that I need to live like I want to live, and not just talk about knowing my neighbors or building up the community around me. I need to not only talk about love, relationships and investing in people, but actually live it. 

i got a bike

Last year the most wonderful bike that I have ever seen or ridden was taken from me. I may never get over it honestly, I still think about how I wish I could have it back. However, I'm not going to let that stop me from riding. When a friend thought of me and brought a bike over that he was getting rid of, my dreams were born again. 

I got a bike. It needs a little work, but I get to ride it. 

pm chalk project

People ask me, 'how are you involved with Krochet Kids? What do you do...exactly?' 

I should tell them that I'm one of those friends they text late in the evening wondering if I'll help finish up a last minute project that needs to be done by tomorrow. I'm the one framing pictures, packing for events, and painting things way past my bedtime. I sell stuff too sometimes, and promote product at events, help with fundraisers–but mostly I hang out putting finishing touches on good ideas started a little late. 

Krochet Kids will be in 8 Peet's Coffee locations in Los Angeles during the month of March, helping them to promote their new African coffee blend. My little signs will stand proudly on the display table. 

"support AFRICAN empowerment–Krochet Kids @Peets"

 chalk on homemade wooden chalkboard-sorry the pics are dark

SFO

Today is Wednesday-the day that always throws me out of bed so far in the morning that I land back in it at night. 

I'm excited for our team meeting today. They are always full of productivity and this is one of the last before we leave next weekend. Currently I am sitting at our kitchen counter thinking about what to write in a probably really late support letter. The cost of the trip is really low, however, I think I need to send them out anyway just to let people know what is going on in my life. 

more later...

A Long Day's Journey Into Night-Eugene O'neill

I thought, since I read more than the average person, that I should probably start doing book and author reviews here. Often people come to me asking for a good book and often I can't think of one because there are so many. I think back on my college career–soon to come to a close–and there are to many authors to even think about; they are currently categorized in my mind by semester or by class. Thus...

We just finished reading Eugene O'neill's autobiographical play, A Long Day's Journey Into Night. It has an extremely sombre tone, and so if you are looking for something to make you feel good, probably not this one. The basic story is about one day in the life of a family of four, Mary and James and their two sons. Lots of dialogue and detailed stage direction make the piece unfold quickly and questions the reader has in the beginning slowly come to light throughout the story. 

The dynamics of this family are complicated and they are "trapped within each other by the past" and it seems to be a "never ending battle moment by moment" for each of them. They are "forgiving, but still never able to forget". I think if I wrote down a summary you wouldn't want to read it. However after reading it and pushing through the redundancy there is an incredible work on the other side. The way O'neill captures the characters, their relationships, and puts his heart on display is captivating. Published posthumously it won a Pulitzer Prize. 

"The fog was where I wanted to be. Halfway down the path you can't see this house. You'd never know it was here. Or any of the other places down the avenue. I couldn't see but a few feet ahead. I didn't meet a soul. Everything looked and sounded unreal. Nothing was what it is. That's what I wanted–to be alone with myself in another world where truth is untrue and life can hide from itself. Out beyond the harbor, where the road runs along the beach, I even lost the feeling of being on land. The fog and the sea seemed part of each other." 

-Edmund, Act Four

Synecdoche

Currently sitting in my senior capstone class. We are working on putting together the journal for this year and have come up against censoring by the department. My classmates are fighting for freedom of speech and for their works to be published. It is interesting because Synecdoche came out of an organic poetry class, as a spiral bound copy of student's work for the semester. Now we are dealing with censorship, representing the university, and opinions of outsiders. I wish it could just stay organic, stay uncomplicated and a true representation of a body of student's work. But I guess that's part of the down side to having something be recognized. My opinion is that we can't please everyone so we might as well do what we want anyway. The pieces that got pulled are well written (diction, rhetoric, plot, originality) and interesting and I think they should go in on grounds such as that, rather than be judged for language or content. 

Were working on final selections for who wins money this week. Hannah and I are selecting final photography entries this week as well as determining the order of the journal. Thoughts about it? I'm excited, I feel like I haven't done much work on it thus far but that should change– I have to write an intro and coordinate some things in the next couple weeks. It feels good to be involved in literary endeavors that I would love to be involved in the rest of my life.