What I've Learned: The Combined Roles of Wife, Student, Coworker, and Friend

A month after our wedding James and I moved to Boston so I could begin a grad-school program. Soon after we arrived we both had jobs and settled into our community. I started two classes that August. Quickly I began to feel myself pulled in four directions--how does one hold the roles of new wife, grad-student, good friend, and work almost full time, all at the same time? How do you fulfill each one well?

One word, prioritize.
And, make lists.
Also, do not overcommit yourself.

I've learned that as much as I love where I work, work needs to almost always take a backseat. (Unless I find my store manager-less, then I step into that role, yikes.) Other than that, I generally work less than I want to, or have less responsibility during the school year than I'd like. But one of my partners recently said, at the end of life I don't think we'll wish we worked more. The key is to show up present and enjoy time at work, even use it to rest from school--though I found doing homework on my breaks helps.

On being a good friend--this one is the hardest and I honestly feel that I fail at it the most. We have friends all over the country and my best is currently 14 hours ahead in Japan. When life gets full it feels friendships suffer and I think the enduring relationships allow for these pauses, are okay with missed calls for the sweet voicemails, the missed letters for an uplifting text message. Long distance friendships are hard--but essential is effort from both sides.

I've found that in order to successfully contribute to a local community that overcommitment is a disaster. Don't overcommit--to anything. No matter what. Ultimately you can't do the thing you've committed to in the way it should be done, and in the end it only puts stress on every other area of your life. When you have to say no, you can't feel bad. Better to do less well, than do more poorly.

As a new wife I can't pretend I have this one figured out entirely, though I have had some incredible examples in my life. My role here is functionally meal planning, grocery shopping, cleaning, scrabble opponent, breakfast maker, supporter, reader, organizer, fellow adventurer, the double on dates, cozy-home-maker, baker, dance party instigator, cohost, and encourager (among other things). This is my most important role. This is who I am and then I stay up late to do homework. This is what I get up early to do and then go to work so I can sit and write a paper before I clock in. This takes priority because it effects my family. There have been many evenings while I read books, prepare projects, or edit papers that James would have rather gone out or played a game together, but he sat with me and for that I am deeply thankful.

As a student for almost my entire life, I feel like I can give expert advise. First, get As. Next--it's okay to get bad grades every once in a while or miss an assignment for good reason. This took me longer to learn than the getting As part. Second, you will get out of school what you put into school. In the end we are each responsible for our own education. I am deeply satisfied with my education, not because of the facts I have learned (lets be honest I don't remember much from Algebra 2 or Government) but for the way I've learned to think critically, research, and form an opinion.

But hey, I'm done with grad-school next week.
(This is where you clap, yell woohoo!, or dance--you choose.)

Soon there will be more time for double dates, for baking, for arts and craft making. Time to skype, write letters, and go out for coffee. I'm thrilled at the prospect of reading for pleasure again, my "To Read" list has waited a long time.

Celebrating Family: Crab Feast Wecker Style

Some of my best Maryland memories involve my hands covered in old bay seasoning, ripping apart legs, and cracking shells. Bushels of crabs is a common measurement, and this family usually needs that many--they have a gift for sharing their lives with everyone around them. 

 Each Wecker has their own teaching style, and they tend to divide and conquer. Let's be honest, to sit down with a pile of whole crabs on the table can intimidate anyone new to the process. Each family member sits at a different table, and gives a short lesson on the art of picking a crab. Patti encourages, and her love of the process and tradition help others overcome any uncertainty.

 Steve tends to weave a good story into his lessons, and makes sure everyone is comfortable with the process and has a glass of wine before he finishes.

  Ryan tends to give good techniques, passed down to her from her parents and grandparents. 

Joy makes the experience fun--she's hilarious. It sets people at ease and helps them to feel like naturals. 

 Pretty soon people begin to feel more adventurous. I watch it happen, as Weckers teach and invite people in to one of their favorite meals, people begin to embrace the experience, even if they had no intention of doing it when they sat down. 

 Stephen is a little more technical with his teaching style, like when he talks about beer and wine. He also weaves in history and answers questions well. 

 It gets a little messy. 

 This night was special, because we were celebrating Faith and Josh, and their families together around these tables. 

 Ryleigh, the newest Wecker. Look at that face--she fits right in. 

This family--who just puts up a huge tent in the backyard and invites everyone they know to the party? They do. They host with their whole lives, love each other passionately, and are some of the most hilarious people I've ever met. I'm thankful for the Weckers. 

Lately

 James got a new desk, appropriate for his new teaching role this year. He's excited about it, and I'm excited about all the storage space it has. 

A few rainy, cloudy fall days recently. I'm thankful for a cozy couch to read and do homework on. I usually drink my morning coffee here too. 

Spent some time in local bookstores for a class assignment this week. These books are on my reading list, and this latte was so creamy and rich. 

I took this first picture of James to post earlier this week, the second picture was how he really felt about the whole thing. I love this goofball. 

 The afternoon light in our apartment is magical, and I'm trying to soak it up. Already it is dark and brisk when we leave for work in the morning. 

 New haircut! New school clothes! 

 On Monday I did a coffee tasting at our store. Part of my job as coffee master is to host tastings like this and talk about the coffee with our customers. 

I walk by the library on my way home from work, and yesterday was the start of a $5 box of books sale. These are used books that get donated to the library and for one reason or another they don't use them. I filled this box and walked half a mile home with it in my arms. I want to start a "take a book, leave a book" box at work. This morning my arms and shoulders are killing me! Worth it? Yes. 

We're getting back in the swing of the school year. We are trying to focus on work and school, balance life together and with friends, and shift our priorities to the most important things. Some days our schedules are opposite--those days we rely on notes and phone calls to connect. Other days we get up together, have breakfast together, drive to work together, come home together, and spend the evening together--those days are fun. 

Whale of a Tale

 When James and I were asked if we wanted to go on an all day Sunday sail, we said yes without even thinking about it. We all woke up around 6am, and made our way down to Winthrop and set off in the early morning light (with a stop at Starbucks first of course). 

 The Boston Harbor is full of lobster pods, and fisherman like this man pull them up to find lobster inside.

We sailed for four hours out into the Atlantic, the first time I'd ever really seen it (even though we've been living here for more than two years). The Atlantic Ocean is blue, and cold. We fought through some pretty big waves and almost 20k wind to get out there. James steered most of the way and did an awesome job. 

 Stellwagon Bank National Marine Sanctuary was our destination, and once we were there we kept an eye out for puffs of water. 

 We first saw backs. 

 Then realized there were more than one. 

 Then tails.

A whale watching tour was out there with us. This whale was watching the boat, getting up close, and then diving under it. 

 Suddenly Sheila and I heard "PPFFFFFFTT!!!" about 20 feet from where we were sitting on the forward starboard side of the boat. So close we jumped and I couldn't focus my camera. This whale  dove under the boat and came up right next to us. 

 Breathing in. 

They were all around us. 

The thrill of the adventure was incredible. It took us about 5 hours to sail back in light winds, spinnaker sail up, but returning home exhausted was well worth the hour we spent with Humpback whales. We touched a bit of nature. We marveled at how gigantic and gentle these creatures are, and were startled by how close they were willing to play with us. They are graceful, unpredictable, impossibly enormous, and so alive. 

At the Finish

The summer is full. Full to the brim with conversations, day trips, train rides, good dinners, crisp evenings, fun with friends, sailing adventures, corn on the cob, movies, books read, craft projects, walks, time in New Hampshire, games, french presses of coffee, days in Boston, dinners with the Hudsons, sleeping in, baked goods, flowers, Portland Maine, late nights laughing, cooking together, jokes, and learning to love one another better. 

I think I'll miss Anwen most in the morning, I love when she wakes up and the new day of thoughts and conversation commences. We share coffee and laugh together. 

Learning to sail together has by far been the best part of the summer. We looked forward to Wednesday night every week, the quality family time was truly a gift. Tonight will be our last race all together, and I plan to soak it up. 

Take the Train to Maine

In which we visit Portland, Maine for one magical adventurous day. 

"Welcome to Portland, Maine!" the conductor said. We stepped off the train and into a farmer's market. Bustling with harvest, music, and the hum of a Wednesday morning in this port city on top of the world. 

We're popping in and out of shops, bookstores, coffee cafes, and parks--wandering this tiny city and discovering its quirks, characteristics, and possibilities. 

I can smell the ocean air, floating over the old brick buildings that house new things. Seagulls cry as the summer sun sits low over the blue water. 

We just boarded the train home after a perfect meal on the water. The train speeds us down the eastern coast as we watch the golden sunlight catch the last of the world as it dips below the horizon. 

Wooo! Wooo! rings out from our train across the woods and fields, ocean inlets and neighborhoods as we whoosh along into the dusky night. Reading, writing, editing the memories of today into a magical story. A story that whisked us away for a moment in time.