they told me it would be this way

I'm like one of those big bouncy balls, you know, the ones that have the glitter and confetti in them and then when you bounce them or throw them all the insides get tossed and spun around? My heart feels like that lately. I'm pretty much standing on the end of my undergraduate work and looking ahead into my future–so many possibilities. Go here, go there, do this or that (and now I sound like cat in the hat). 

I'd really like to start doing something I love, I'd love to live in a city that inspires me. I want to be close (er) to loved ones and I'm ready for an adventure. I want to go to grad-school, I want to keep volunteering for non-profits, I want to work with the homeless. Read lots of books, see lots of things. Travel. I love living in and among hispanic communities; I want to learn spanish. I have all these passions and there are so many ways I could go about this. 

I've been thinking a lot about life lately. Maybe too much for my own good. The fact remains that I still have homework due tomorrow and finals in about a month. I need to stay focused here and finish well but at the same time there is value in looking ahead. 

I think the best thing about all this is those rubber balls with glitter all inside, they're really quite pretty as they get all mixed up and spun around aren't they?  

a regular case of the suds

"Our house is falling apart" is a phrase often heard in our home. For some reason we have had more things go wrong than I've ever experienced living in one place. But sometimes, we bring it upon ourselves. 

Last night, I came home and was talking to Beth in the kitchen. She says, "so I have a question, can you put dishsoap in the dishwasher cause..." 

I look down and see an already soaked towel and bubbles overflowing onto the floor. 

We just started laughing. Then we started to clean it up and upon opening the dishwasher there were bubbles everywhere. They ended up on my back, on her face and all over our hands and arms. Laughing hysterically the whole time we got it under control. Except this morning there were still bubbles, upon second rinse there were still bubbles and eventually we just took out all the dishes, rinsed them and put them away. There are still bubbles. 

Oh well. 

kean

I went to one of my usual coffee shops–this one being lighter, more open air, business like, friendly, and talkative– to get some reading done. Sometimes I'm just tired of being in my room you know? 

Upon my arrival I see some Vanguard friends, who are all enrolled in graduate school now. Some at Vanguard, some at Fuller. So I join them in reading escapades and talk about school, how it often is accompanied by the want to be done. I like finding these guys around, because in my desire to accomadate I feel motivated to stay focused on what I am reading and not let them see me daydreaming. They are grad students after all. After a while they left to eat dinner and I was left to myself. 

About an hour later a couple in their upper 30s walks in and greet the women sitting at a table in front of me. "You still at Rock Harbor?" (a local church in Costa Mesa) I thought I caught one woman ask. They sit down next to me, order hot chocolate and begin a game of cards. About 15 minutes later I hear, 

"Are you reading that for a Rybarczyk class?" And look over to see that he is in fact talking to me. 

"Why yes, yes I am" I reply and begin a good conversation with Eric and Cathy about Vanguard, graduation and future plans. I love when people are genuinely interested in what you have to say. I found out that he took the same Renaissance and Reformation class from Ed (my professor) while finishing up his graduate work. They left after a while, a smile on my face. 

Just before 9:30–Kean advertises closing at 9, however if you are there they will just clean around you until 930– I see a couple that I went on my first San Francisco trip through Vanguard with. Kelsi and Brian, who stopped for a minute to catch up. Since they graduated I have seen them a handful of times around the community and really enjoy their company. 

Just a good night for relationships really. 

on a random thursday

I laid in the park, on a blanket, in the shade and took a nap today. Enough said. 

i like when my friends write

My friend Peter, in Oxford, introduced me to my favorite poet Gerard Manley Hopkins. And this is a great article he wrote about poetry, Hopkins specifically. I think you should read it. 

biggest fan

Last night we went to Alta to watch Bethany play for a singer/songwriter night. She was given time for four songs– and rocked it. It was fun to hang out, write poetry and listen to good music. I asked her last night, and I've been to all of her "shows" save for one. I must say last night was much better than going to open-mic events because the music is just a better quality. 

I love living with this girl. She fills our room constantly with music and expresses herself through her music so well. Such a blessing in my life. 

moments

Some of my favorite moments from the weekend. 

a) The big hug I got upon arrival at the Pierce home.

b) Sweet tea and apple butter on buscuits at Lucile's. 

c) Watching my two favorite boys play for a couple hours on Saturday. 

d) Chilaquiles for breakfast. 

e) A free play on the Queen Mary–Thanks Mikey and Kristin!

f) Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles with the aforementioned couple. 

g) Many many cups of tea. 

h) Running through Albertsons in my pajamas at 7:35 am with James and cinnamon rolls. 

i) Boccie ball with the Pierce family. 

j) "Ashley they're picking on me" "Ashley don't leave, I'm scared, stay right here next to me"

k) Potatoes at Easter lunch. 

l) Watching a movie for the first time with James (he fell asleep). 

7) A wonderful conversation about poetry and literature. 

m) Sourdough toast, tea, strawberries and an egg for breakfast. 

n) Ditching my 1:00 class for In-N-Out. 

o) Laughing and laughing and laughing and laughing.  

p) Moments when I wasn't thinking about going to John Wayne airport on Monday. 

Teewinkle Park, Johanna's Birthday Party 

i really want glasses

Don't I look so smart?!

Problem. I have 20/20 vision. I don't even need glasses that magnify the words in my books because they make no difference. Oh well. For now I pretend. 

happy birthday mom!

It's my mom's birthday today. For some reason, her's, before anyone else's in the whole world I remember the most. My mom is my inspiration in a lot of things, not only academics. She's beautiful and I love her heart, her wisdom, and her laugh. 

My mom is the reason I love to read, why I love arts and crafts and being outside in nature. She has encouraged my love of learning, instilled in me ideals like doing my best, achieving my goals and making responsible decisions about life. She has let me travel the world, wiped tears from my eyes and given me some of the best hugs I've ever had. 

This is my Aunt Gisela, my mom and I. People say we look alike...I wonder why. 

Family picture, at the ski resort 15 minutes from our house. My mom always makes sure we do this Christmas Day, she loves our family and the fun we have when we all ski together. 

She is glue that holds us together, and always encourages us to love each other and to spend time with one another. 

My mom is adventurous. She tries new things, loves to be active and outside. She's really smart too, and likes to have great conversations and love on people as well. 

She's beautiful!

The Crucible

We just finished The Crucible, written by Arthur Miller in my American Lit class. I've seen the play, Bethany actually played Abigail in the Vanguard production a few years ago. This was the first time I read it however, and would recommend it. 

Written about the Salem witch trials, Miller captures your attention with dialogue and a conniving plot line. It starts out giving a picture of Salem as a place where there is spiritual and political tension among the people. Some of the young girls are caught "dancing" in the forest late one night (the forest being a symbol of evil and darkness). The town explodes and everyone becomes heated for reasons particular to each situation. Abigail, before long, begins to name names of other women and men in the town she believes associated with witchcraft in order to save her own. 

Most interesting about this piece is that Miller wrote it as commentary to McCarthyism and the Red Scare in the United States. The Cold War and Communism created social and political tensions, and as in Salem, the people found a scapegoat in trying to pinpoint their fears in people. In both instances the authority disregarded people as people and took the word of anyone shouting out names. No one needed proof to hang a woman as a witch, nor did they to convince the world someone was a communist and thus ruin their entertainment career. 

This play is captivating, I recommend you read it–even better go see it. The film with Daniel Day Lewis is excellent after reading the script. 

"Because it is my name! Because I cannot have another in my life! Because I lie and sign myself to lies! Because I am not worth the dust on the feet of them that hang! How may I live without my name? I have given you my soul; leave me my name!" –John Proctor