I was awake around 2am last night, thinking. I found myself thinking this--
I miss messes. The beautiful, and not so beautiful kind alike. I miss stepping over an explosion of papers, cords, books plus a computer on the floor. Piles of shoes by the front door. I miss hundreds of cups, glasses, soda cans and bottles after 10 people stayed the weekend, or the night after a dinner party. I miss boxes full of buttons, paints, glue, paper, ribbon, magazines and feathers spread out over the living room. A frumpled stack of blankets and pillows on the couch in the morning after anyone decided to spend the night. Beth crawling into her bed with her life's work and laundry still on top. Ants--thousands of ants--I don't miss them. Ashes all over the patio and in my flowers after a bonfire on the porch under the stars. Perpetual sand in the shower from the ocean. Piles of undone laundry to rifle though to find a missing shirt. Rows of wet bathing suits hanging, dripping. A sink that couldn't be more full of dirty dishes. I miss frames and paints spread out on the porch. I miss Sam's bed. I miss always seeing guitars randomly taking up residence in different corners.
But mostly I miss the girls those messes belong to.