youd boys

When I met Ryan Youd he, at an age much too young, was showing me colours like "pink" and "violet". The next time I watched him I read him some books and he would stop me and say, "no you missed the 'and'" and "wait you forgot the middle line" because he was reading along with me. I drove him to school last year on Wednesday afternoons, "Ashley Wells! You're here it's so good to see you!" he would exclaim upon my arrival and then give me detailed directions to his school as we drove, at age 4. Today I hung out with Ryan and this morning he was finishing up his homework, writing sentences using his new vocabulary words- things like "kangaroo" and "kitten". He's in Kindergarten this year. I didn't learn how to read until the first grade. His social skills are incredible and he communicates really well. Such a joy to hang out with and be around. He understands language, has a memory for numbers, names and sequences. It is really fun to see him play and pretend and then talk about his friends (who are my friends) and say their first and last names.

Ryan has a little brother, Eli, who was born while I was in Oxford last fall. While Ryan was at school the last couple days I got to hang out with the sweetest peanut of a boy. He has big brown eyes and is learning so many words and how to repeat them. Except "up" also means down. Ball, car, walk, and "No Way!" are some of the words he uses the most. He loves playing with Ryan and I and joining in with whatever fun new game Ryan imagines up. He knows the ASL sign for "more" and used it a lot today while sitting in my lap reading books.

Wonderful boys, I had the greatest day hanging out with them.

somewhat of a recap

I look out my window today and it doesn't feel like January again. It's probably 75 degrees outside and definitely sunny, good ol Costa Mesa weather. But I'm feeling some pressure as it is the new year to reflect on the last one a bit.

This year I processed through my time at Oxford. It is now more than a year since I have walked the streets I love and breathed in the cold air of England. I began this year mourning my time there, clinging desperately to memories, culture and people who understand. It wasn't until the beginning of the summer that I stopped crying over it.

My spring semester was an incredibly difficult one. I was sick, completely unchallenged academically and frustrated that Americans have no idea how to enjoy tea. However a huge turning point for me last spring was my trip to San Francisco. I was challenged in a way and pushed out of my comfort zone there that was completely different than I had ever experienced in the city. I found myself looking to those who dedicate their whole lives to what they do, to community and the people around them. I wrote poetry, had conversations and the best 5 days of my whole semester. After that trip I began to deepen friendships that would lead me into a completely different friend group. A group of people that I love deeply.

This last summer was probably the best of my life thus far. I moved into a town home next to the Wilson Street Park with four of my closest friends. Girls I have lived with since I lived in 310 in Laguna Hall. I know my neighbors here, this house is everything we asked and prayed for. The summer was not enough work, but that gave me time to get involved in a new church, invest in new friends and wake up in the morning and allow each day to unfold as it wanted to. Something I needed. I rediscovered a love for reading, art, poetry. I spent time with my Robeck family. I took advantage of the fact that I live 3 miles, if that, from the ocean and visited the beach at least 4 times a week.

This last semester, well I never really caught up with it. I overextended myself and the last weeks and months were hard, yet in a completely different way. I just didn't have enough time to do anything well. (I will add though, that I got straight As.) I felt a sense of disconnect from the Vanguard community which I will attribute to a new church family and friends who have already graduated. Sharing a room with Bethany was my greatest blessing this semester, she was my safe place to laugh, cry, be stressed, get frustrated or have incredible conversation. James plopped down into my life this semester, and that could be a whole other amazing post in and of itself. What a blessing in my life. This Christmas season was wonderful, I spent not enough time with my family, but the time we had together was wonderful.

I began to truly walk in who I am this year. The Ashley that loves everything to do with literature, community, deep and good conversation, culture and traveling. I got to forgive this last year, and learn how really listen to people. I became more confident in who I am. I discovered that I love walking through life with people and I thank each of you who walked with me.

I'm excited for this new year, for the possibilities it holds and changes it will bring. It's going to be a crazy ride, but I'm ready.

the first of the lasts..

I bought school supplies today. Some composition notebooks to fill full of notes and file away next to the others that make up my college career, pens, a planner. I wandered through the store picking up a few other little things, and as I stood in line it hit me. This will be the last time I purchase school supplies for myself.

Now, it's not all that sad. My foot has been half out the door since I started this year. I watched many of my friends go through a mourning process about leaving this Vanguard family, yet I'm not really feeling it. My mourning and processing happened last year when 70 of my friends walked across the stage- friends I had known since my senior year of high school. I'm graduating on time, four years, but for some reason I've always been drawn to invest in friends who are older, more mature than I am. So my Vanguard world has already moved on without me, I feel as if I have graduated already. School is a part of my life, instead of my life being school.

It is also strange that I am the only one in my house still in school this next semester. By random circumstance everyone seems to have graduated early, so that now even my closest friends and community are no longer there. Strange.

Don't get me wrong, I'm excited for this next semester. I'm taking 12 units of Literature and Religion classes, with some really great professors. I'll continue to edit for the Yearbook and have more time to pour into it. It is a new season, though a short one, and I am looking forward to what it holds in store for me.

pajama day

There is a wonderfully unique kind of joy when one spends the entire day in pajamas. It utterly trumps the kind of hectic stressful pressure that life brings some mornings and allows one to fully enjoy a relaxing day doing nothing sort of things. To wake up and have breakfast at a leisurly pace, lay on the couch and read or put a puzzle together on the floor in ones pajamas is to my heart, pure bliss.

I was given the opportunity to spend a day like this last week with one of my favorite people. We had so much fun laughing with each other, talking and just enjoyed the free time and laziness of the day. We read, drank a lot of tea and organized a game cupboard. It's amazing the things that are transformed from ordinary to wonderful when a best friend is around.

young

I love being around old couples. By old I mean, the relationship and not necessarily the people themselves. I had the privilege of spending some time with a couple who have been married about 60 years this last week. It was delightful.

He still makes her giggle, they sit close to each other at the dinner table and they finish each others sentences as they remember together. They can list off the names of grandchildren and great grandchildren with pride. He still plays with these great grandchildren and she cooks for a house full of people. Their house if full of old knickknacks and gifts from children over the years and pictures from the beginning until now.

Unexpectedly we found ourselves back in their home last Saturday evening, and upon our arrival were offered chocolate milkshakes. Pass that up? no way. We sat with them in silence for the most part, and watched the lights and ocean out their windows. They talked about their memories, first moving into the house and some funny moments over the years.

She said, "I love my new house. It's not really new of course, the floors creek and the paint is peeling in places, but its my new house. It's been a good people house."

one week

There is something about seeing someone for the first time in a long time. A nervous excitement almost. At first its a bit strange, surreal really, that they are present with you. Soon however, that unfamiliarity and strangeness melts away into knowing that brings joy- joy that overflows at being able to see and laugh with such a friend.

My heart has been so full of this joy recently.

another one bites the dust...

Computer number two down. I repeat computer number two down. 

I'm really just trying to finish. It's proving to be a little bit difficult. 

ready to be done

This evening I am just really, done. I'm tired and have been for weeks it seems like. I feel like I could curl up in my bed and fall asleep for two days. I have this last paper for my Latin American Literature class (the one I created for myself by the way) and I am struggling with having any motivation to get it done. It is supposed to only be 5 pages- pie. On books I've already read and have an opinion about- cake. But as I sit here tonight, so close, all I want to do is read a good book. The pile of them on my desk is ever growing.

last paper snack

Russian orange tea and chocolate chips. Thanks Sharon!

rainy day memories

a) Sophomore year Sam and Bethany and I tried to go to Alta for a rainyday cup of coffee. About 9.00 at night, on our way there my windshield wipers break. On the way home after discovering they were closed Newport Blvd is flooded out and water is going over the hood of my car, everyone involved screaming for their lives.

b) One night that same semester it was raining and our friend came up to our quad screaming for us. He was wearing a wetsuit, and covered in mud. 10 minutes later we were out on Heath lawn sliding and covered in mud as well.

c) I went to an outside high school, so many mornings I stood in the rain with friends. Some of which I still see almost every week.

e) Walking home up Parks Road and Banbury from the Bodleian Library and walking into the house to find dinner and tea waiting for me.

f) It was raining the day I got to Oxford, and a Jonathan Kirkpatrick opened the big red door and said to me, "well what are you doing standing out in the rain?"

g) Reading books and drinking tea while listening to the rain with James.

f) Today I went to the Gypsy Den in the rain and got adobe stew and cornbread for Ryan and I, and then hung out with her in the res life office for a good three hours. Beautiful afternoon.